nobody home

to remain left behind.
he sneezes while continuing typing out a not poem about our theory of everything.
pet the kitty.
the sitars play.
the plot thickens.
the whole thing’s nuts.
dig the deeper meaning to the point of meaninglessness and beyond.
nobody home but us chickens.
brawk.
at what point when 12 = 0.
more coffee, a toke, a cigarette.
media manipulations to create conflicts among us.
obedient while not knowing we are obedient.
we believe we are being entertained.
laugh and cry.
feel desire, feel fear.
reward and punishment.
does attaining everything justify the means?
but what is this but illusion?
it’s a swell illusion though.
real and lifelike.
action/reaction yin yang spinning wheels thing.
we are considered obsolete.
we are not allowed aboard the ship of fools as we watch it sail away toward sunsets everlasting.
peace at last.
love begins to flow and understanding arises as would a phoenix.
the ashes of self – whatever that might mean or not.
it’s medication time.
transcending spacetime dimensions into other realities to perceive otherwise.
another rainy morning turns into some sunshine.
reflecting into his face.
he wonders if he’s hungry but too anxious to eat.
food seems blah.
he feels flat.
a bowl of pineapple chunks.
another cigarette.
grinding teeth clenched grin.
alternation of circuits relay tree to tree.
what might happen next?
donuts with a twist of comic cosmic surprise.
but many do not have sense of humor.
they stand straight with the lord most high.
they have all the $$$.
they have all the weapons.
hold on.
here we go.
more coffee.
another cigarette.
so much misunderstanding among us.
we can’t keep our stories straight.
the underbelly of the beast.
this is irrelevant to everything.
everything is everything (duh).
get it?
probably not.
we don’t even really get it either.
what’s to get?
everything is mad foolishness.
trust in the lord.
don’t go looking for trouble.
it’s raining again.

everything is bitter.
nothing is sweet, except the glazed donuts.
gazorbnik – a process of coming to understanding.
no god, except a god of aloof amoral indifference.
there’s something fishy going on.
in conversations with god he explains that it seems to him that god and its adversary have some sort of long standing problem going on that he feels needs to be resolved that he wants no part of.
it seems to him to be pointless – all of it – everything.
he asks, why?
the only answer that comes back is, why not?
he supposes there are many reasons why not but he doesn’t feel like thinking of what they might be right now.
here now.
does nothing existing precede everything existing as we seem to believe it does?
we need some sorta cause – happenstance or divine creation or some such.
but everything exists everywhere everywhen, there is no preceding that is not part of itself.
if nothing exists then it is part of everything.
yet nothing cannot exist cuz nothing is the state of not existing.
words are confusing but what we envision is clear understanding.
but none of this matters when there is a gun to one’s head.
pull the trigger or shut the fuck up.
an infinitely faceted diamond with one flaw – us.
we would seem to be what’s wrong with everything as others tell it.
we save the universe from reaching perfection when it would blink outta existence having no more purpose.
we are to blame.
we are idiots who can’t quite seem able to get with the program.
we baffle the gods.
even they cannot figure us out knowing everything there is to know.
as it should be.
we save the gods from themselves and their hubris.
what a sorry state the universe would be in if not for us fucking shit up.
gazorbnik – a process of fucking things up beyond all recognition.
self-centered selfish stupid idiots.
that would be us it would seem.
there is no reason for us to be here, is there?
to serve and glorify the lord?
that’s it?
to discover and learn and understand everything we should have known to begin with?
but who are we but less than specks?
yet we are at the center of a boundless universe in a finite package.
everything is here or not.
we make up rules about everything and then try to follow them but the universe has its own ideas it expresses as de facto fate despite our plans otherwise.
we are helpless.
we are helpless against ourselves.
someone has to lose in order that someone else might win.
we are them.
a buncha fucked up losers.
nothing we got we really need.
living in a perhaps collapsing empire.
dismantle the machine.
deconstruct all meaning.
light another cigarette.
he sighs about everything.
it’s all too much.
we lead ourselves astray.
do we care?
not very much.
perhaps we may regret it.
oh well.
it comes and goes.
what are we gonna do?
do we follow someone’s truth?
are we suckers?
we wander pathless paths to nowhere (now here).
we steal what we might use for our own purpose.
everything else we leave behind.
are we any different from anyone?
but we are deemed to be mad by those who are insane.
that’s the difference.
hooray for us.

we have stated that it is it.
that is the simplest form we can make it.
try to understand.
use gazorbnik.
make no mistake with gazorbnik.
or maybe not.
make all the mistakes one needs to make in order to come to understanding.
we are patient.
we watch and wait.
so far, nothing.
not a ripple.
just a buncha noise.
noise of people clamoring for more and more never ending pursuit of happiness.
what are we to do?
who could save them all?
who would want to?
billions die.
party on.
steady as it goes.
peace, love and understanding.
our time will come.
no need to push and shove.
when all else falls away.
or something like that.
the beat goes on.
surf’s up, baby.
another cigarette.
space cadet blues.
another morning of another day that is always today.
strange how that works.
more coffee, another toke, another cigarette.
truth is a glazed donut which he eats 2 of.
that sugary sweetness against the bitter coffee.
god is not seen as much as felt.
our heart’s imagination.
our mind distracts us with its senses.
but all is one.
we are one.
god is one.
but why should that matter?
why do we consider that mostly to be a good thing?
it could be the worst of evils for all we know.
it could be just how the hardwiring is organized in our brains.
nature nurture indoctrination.
teenage love angst.
a universe of electrochemical reactions.
zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
strange tunes from the astral planes.
one more hurdle we must overcome on our way to godhead.
but we’re probably going the right direction – or not.
everything is in every direction.
we choose which direction we wish to take or it is chosen by fate.
he chooses neither/both.
ever continuousness from no cause.
it just is.
that’s it.
it is it – whatever that may be.
people plotting for power.
all that $$$ can buy.
it’s medication time.
everything is amazing how it can be – if it is.
we haven’t come across any definite proof one way or another.
everything must be since it appears we experience something though what that something is exactly we have not yet discovered.
if it is illusion, then illusion composed of what?
virtual mind stuff?
whatever the fuck that is.
it’s a rabbit hole perhaps.
people have been known to go quite mad thinking about it.
but we’re mad already so it’s ok.
we must be mad cuz nothing makes sense to us at all.
that is our understanding.
we are astounded by everything.
it is not so much a point of ignorance though our ignorance is great but of just not getting it.
other people have their beliefs they trust in.
we have doubts.
or is it when one has no doubts but is certain of everything that one has gone mad?
but why is madness even a question besides for those of us who feel others of us are mad and need to be eliminated?
those who divide us into groups of us and them – us vs them.
the rationalogic mind.
SEX.
more coffee, another toke, another cigarette.
fuck this shit.
he feels he’s had too much and also not enough.
a mixed bag bog bongo thing.
yippie.
a house divided about to fall.
a buncha freaks.
we just try to stay outta the way as best we are able given the circumstances.
we try to hang on thinking about everything beginning to end though everything has no beginning nor end except in finite terms of thinking.
yet everything in its infinite aspects is invisible to the naked eye and we only perceive with imagination.
dream on.
another cigarette.
and it’s medication time.

pet the kitty.
delight in thinking about everything.
is that god?
if so, so be it.
it matters little to us.
both are the same, aren’t they?
everything with gestalt consciousness.
i am.
nothing is forbidden, everything is permitted.
perhaps.
1 > infinity.
infinity composed of infinite 1s.
the serpent swallowing its tail.
there’s no such thing as 1.
yet 1 is everything.
is that possible?
perhaps.
or not.
when it is it.
what is it?
it is that which we perceive as everything something anything.
it is that itself, and perhaps more so.
more than meets the eye.
yes, we can more or less trust our senses to perceive this world that appears before us.
isn’t it incredible?
but to perceive other worlds that might be requires a bit of imagination.
but we must proceed with caution as much of our imagination has been usurped by social indoctrination.
it muddies the waters.
it creates false perception of the world as to keep us under control.
this perception must be overcome.
we must free ourselves from it to see the world of possibilities.
it’s like an optical illusion.
look at it one way it’s a fish.
look at it another way it’s a bird.
yet it is the same image.
a crow caws laughing.
our eye sees.
yet it is ourselves who decide what it is the eye sees.
the eye transmits raw data that we organize into shape and form with our imagination.
the world occurs within our minds regardless whether it actually exists without or not.
that is an interesting but basically irrelevant question.
worldwide simultaneous psychotic breakdown.
let’s go crazy.
the breaking open of the raccoon.
everything in our minds becomes true and real.
more coffee.
another cigarette.
he collects and takes out the trash.
he needs to go get supplies.
and he does so.
rainbow jets.
cities filled with no one but empty shadows.
where do the children play?
he dismantles a chicken.
he spaces out awhile.
the afternoon is dark with rain.
he lowers the blinds and turns on the desk lamp.
he decides to draw awhile.
he decides to draw a smile.
he can’t think why.

a paradox of thinking.
the broken rules.
the potatoes are baking.
2+2=cow.
he helps his baby hang drapes.
hang the pigs.
greedy fuckers.
but we try to do as little harm as we can get away with.
conundrum-dum-dee-dumb.
countdown to full infiltration.
lunar time or solar time?
the rabbit’s on the loose along with a goose.
what stories they will have to tell if they ever return.
all our heroes are assholes.
we fall in love anyway.
the devil makes us do it.
sing and dance.
fall down.
laugh.

what’s what?
who’s who?
do we ever actually know?
all possibly is illusion.
all possibility.
everything.
in the blink of an eye.
on/off.
what a drag to be all-knowing.
to never be surprised.
then of what use is all of creation if one sees it from beginning to end before it ever happens?
what use is anything?
all riches piled at one’s feet.
all prostrate themselves before one’s face.
what does it mean?
how could it mean anything?
he lights another cigarette with a mad god laughing screaming alone in the void inside his head.
he sleeps.

awakening.
more coffee, a toke, a cigarette.
and more and more around around.
a narrative of nonsense.
everything is groovy – or not.
yes, he pities god in its ultimate loneliness of being the singular being that exists forever beyond time itself.
what madness that must provoke.
we can only just imagine and be thankful we are mortal creatures to not have to actually endure an eternity of inner torment and true existential angst if there ever is any.
but the joy that must also be possible.
but a joy that is hollow.
and we are part of this madness.
individual different expressions of it reflecting in a maze of mirrors on and on and so on.
and yet somehow out of this bliss is achieved by this cosmic being.
a balance of the discord of everything at once from one extreme to another and all between and beyond.
and many discipline themselves to attain that bliss forevermore.
bon voyage.
we are lazy but busy in spirit.
we sit around all day and think of wonderful things.
our fate is outta our hands.
we can only hope to survive with what is given us until we die.
we shall see.
to live a life of mind thinking whatever whatnot about everything as we are able as we will.
to have done what we wilt.
to continue as long as it continues.
wandering weaving aimlessly along on pathless paths toward nowhere (now here) and all that jazz.
sometimes along on yellow brick roads and at times scrambling through brambles.
all in his head outta his mind.
11:11
more coffee, a cinnamon roll, another cigarette.
everyone knows or at least suspects everything told to them is a lie but have different varying opinions as to about what might be true otherwise.
all of it included in with our theory of everything.
all given benefit of doubt on their own terms.
we choose and steal what we find useful to ourselves for our own purposes.
and blah blah blah.

but the others with their big ideas parading around.
nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong.
this insane asylum world where we act out our desires and fears in local global karma dramas.
competition.
wealth and power.
urp?
hooray for our side.
we are sitting on the edge of our seats with apprehensive anticipation.
we have no side but for the tides of freaks who inhabit the world in various capacities of vocations wherever we may fit into it in our idiosyncratic ways and means.
hanging on by fingernails.
anything could happen next.
when groupthink collectives are instructed to tolerate no one but themselves and their kind.
angry mobs gather on the common ground to shout each other down.
caught in a zillion dreams at once conspiring against one another to bring about the grand illusion we call reality.
pleasure pain.
one eye open with one eye closed as is our mystical magick way chewing at the back of our heads in designs of enlightenment or not.
come as we are to the festivities celebrating our easy demise.
much is forgotten as much is remembered.
it comes and goes.
into silence amid the noise of everything discovering ourselves within in confusion of doubts following imagination and reason toward an end justified by the means of approval from the jeering crowds.
kittens and rainbows on the scene of a horrific car crash leaving 2 dead and 1 critically injured.
afterward a party of onlookers assemble with beer and cookies.
and silly sue watches from the hilltop with a telescope.
and everything continues to develop into something else while remaining elementarily the same as since the dawn of time.
oyster ooze.
and he thinks about how many believe time is a fiction.
in a dream.
in a scheme.
on a beam of light speeding slowly across the universe.
he imagines so many mundane things to occupy the moment passing forever.
the phone rings.
he doesn’t answer.
nobody home.