begin x –
is it absurd?
is it a golden turd?
would anyone eat it?
would you?
you know who you are – don’t you?
we don’t.
the clown understands what it is and is not.
it is not nothing though nothing is it. tap dance our way around that. the giraffe is laughing. just making up shit. we leave reality to the winners and the so many more losers. it’s theirs for keeps. keep up with the struggles, people. everything’s cool. waving their burning flags up on the hill.
but they tell us life itself is a struggle. true enough, but why make it more so? but this is not our concern for the moment now as much as everything is.
everything that turns him on and blows his mind scattering in the cosmic winds. everything that makes us sing and dance, fall down, and laughing at ourselves with twisting turning into town where anything meaningful lives secretly from prying eyes of the masters of control and tourists from around the world who come to visit easy street where they have heard rumors everyone meets themselves which is not maybe quite what they would expect.
and as sappy songs from yesteryear play on the jukebox in the diner where he sits at the counter the clown typing not p0em thinking about how he got here now picks his nose.
today going wrong from the start has settled back into the comfort of the mundane mediocrity. but the day ain’t over yet.
yet he manages to come home as safe and somewhat sound as possible considering a great many factors.
coffee, toke, cigarette.
typing more not p0em that the program crashes and loses so there goes most of the afternoon.
something about it and not it. something about no such thing as motion but how do we receive stimuli without motion? on/off bits of infinitely dense matter? is on existing and off not existing? are these in opposition? complementary? the same? on/off bits of any and every duality? and so on.
turn on, tune in, drop by sometime.
nobody home.
is there spacetime? how does anything exist without it or something that acts similarly in it’s place – like gazorbnik?
all objects are essentially spacetime coordinates that are on – existing. or not?
other spacetime coordinates are off – not existing.
everything is every possible location of spacetime. these locations are continuous bits that are not exactly bits except as being on or off. it is also waves in all possible directions and dimensions. everything transcends beyond all beginning and ending. what is its substance but locations of spacetime packed in a plenum singularity?
there will always be before and after anything. but there is no past or future. there is here now. everything that was still is and still will be. spacetime is illusion?
yes/no/maybe?
objects exist in spacetime but exist as spacetime also as well.
what does all this abstraction have to do with everyday reality where we can get beat by a baseball bat? everything and nothing the clown supposes after awakening from a nap making coffee, taking a toke, lighting a cigarette.
though there is no motion everything is in motion – appearing to be so like marquee moving on/off lights. bits of data. random chaos by chance creating repeating patterns becoming objects of spacetime. it’s all been left behind on sugar mountain.
but nothing is created nor destroyed, but transforming. but these bits are not created nor destroyed, just being on or off. there is probably no such thing as nothing, nor everything. is there something? is there anything? what exactly is the substance of what we perceive and experience?
it may not be exactly anything but always changing never the same ever. once it repeats itself closes it into a loop of space and time. we doubt everything is a loop but perhaps it is. kind of a drag though.
11:11
but we being human like to believe that there is something fundamental at the bottom of everything. some indivisible bit particle thing of some sort. there is no particular reason for it to be so other than our own idea of it. we don’t usually like the idea of there being no bottom to everything just like we don’t usually like the idea there is no beginning. but both of these may continue infinitely no matter how it freaks us out to be suspended between never-ending infinities. but why not?
are we 0? 0 in the center of our heads, our minds? all else radiating to and from us? maybe.
sophomoric moronic masturbating. jerking ourselves off toward squirting climax of thinking then declining back into our sullen ignorance. hungry, tired. weak in the knees.
the solipsistic clown with mad god laughing screaming alone in the void inside his head. gazorbnik. a being without beginning it is aware of or it can imagine. when does it become aware of anything? is there time “yet”?
awareness and time would seem to coincide, yes? awareness is thought. thought needs time. awareness of space? how so if space has no definition? contrast is needed. on/off binary bits transmitting data or not transmitting data. and like that.
those transmitting appear to exist while those not transmitting appear to disappear. neither are created nor destroyed.
how does this being know this?
by experience. its own sensory and thought experience. also what it experiences from others directly or through some sort of media.
others?
those who seem similar to itself. other solipsistic beings?
perhaps. is it that the individual is solipsistic yet surrounded by others seemingly such as itself as some collective whole being the individual is an aspect of?
this account a flimsy excuse of explanation. if the clown was better, but he is not. nevermind.
strict solipsism is singular to one being alone. all else is delusion. there are no others, only self.
the clown does not strictly believe anything. everything is theory. hence our theory of everything.
he finds it hard to believe he is it, though it is feasible he supposes. maybe he doesn’t wanna believe. he just wants to forget.
collective solipsism seems to him more like it with others conscious experiencing beings as himself.
he knows no way to prove whichever.
oh well.
reflection creations of the one being? call this being, it. it is it. and inter-dimensional beings who appear to us in our imagination.
and all that sorta business from there.
and as solipsistic beings what is common among our separate individual realities combine and merge to form a common reality all of us control collectively but none of us individually. we may do this for the purpose of our being in the same space at the same time. hence the project.
otherwise we are scattered and each individually alone with no collectiveness or common reality among us.
but this is sorta a drab outlook of existence. alone. alone together. together alone.
to cast everything out upon the scattering winds to fall as they may by chance. to be surprised. discovering. learning. understanding.
to be dreaming a world born into pleasure and pain. diving into a sea. the sea is humanity.
more of nothing the same as always. a bit odd. a bit different. nonetheless nonsense absurdities. to each their own reality of meaning or non-meaning. how far do we wish to go? who and/or what takes our place instead is all pretend.
gazorbnik is meaningless as perhaps you might have discovered long by now. raise hands of who wants gold stars. show everyone how selfish we have become to ourselves.
individual accomplishment and collective effort in balance. dumb as a rock.
people of vision. people who follow orders. everything to the extreme.
achievement and success by living with purpose.
the clown has done so, his purpose being to do as little as possible he could get away with. he achieved and succeeded this watching others climbing over one another to get to the top. is that achievement and success? they seem to think so. but it is all motivated by basic primal instincts. but others feel differently driven to accomplish themselves as something in this world.
hey ho, off they go.
everything they do is fake, illusions to lure the rest of us into buying it. the clown could never afford it. it is all sour grapes.
he lights another cigarette. the computer suggesting words he should use. the computer could probably write this nonsense itself. would it understand what it means? does it mean anything? would the computer ask itself that question?
fecal matter.
so much turning around in his head. a hoard of useless ideas long abandoned by the others. they know it only leads to madness. they pride themselves on not being mad. that is their public facade. privately they are coo coo for coco puffs. he has seen this himself among them. but today is trash day.
11:11?
synchronicity crow caw meandering mind wondering why so many feel him and his kind(?) should be eternally punished for our sinful behaviors. that is what they jerk off to.
he is indifferent toward the lord. he will not beg. let the losers march through the gates of heaven as they feel they deserve. they will soon find out the price they pay. or not.
flesh without sin.
where do we begin?
something other than nothing. why should nothing be the default state? but suppose it is. how do we get here from there? nothing “where” something has no meaning. space and time do not exist. nothing has no dimension nor duration. nothing has no location. it cannot “exist” anywhere anywhen. nothing does not exist. it is not even “nothing”.
these concepts only exist when there is something. something is possible cuz there ain’t nothing preventing it. nothing continues not to exist if and when something exists. it doesn’t cease being nothing cuz there ain’t nothing to begin with.
something does not come from nothing. something is. something is existence. if there is existence something must exist to express it. existence cannot exist without something being. nothing is not being. it cannot express existence. nothing not only does not exist but never can exist whether there is something that exists or not.
with nothing there are no rules or some such. with nothing there is no possibility nor probability. no cause nor effect. no beginning nor end. no nothing we might think of or even imagine being. something existing is capable of existing along with nothing not existing, no problem.
but still we ask, where does something come from?
perhaps this is the wrong question – wrongly conceptualized and worded.
without something being, there is no being, not even nothing. there is not even nothing (no-being) for something to come from – no where or when.
it is not a vase with nothing in it, then there is something in it by some mysterious cause. that is how most seem to think about it.
an answer could be that there is always being as forever far back as no beginning. being needs something to be. there is always something to be. what is this something that is and always has been? it could be something that is the remotest possibility of there being something that exists. what is the remotest possibility of there being something that exists but something that is next to nothing? it must be next to nothing for it to be a remote possibility. it cannot be nothing cuz that would mean there is no possibility.
this is the absolute minimal something could be that could be stated to be something that exists. it is 1 possibility in infinity of there being something that exists. 0 possibility, 1 possibility. the most ephemeral 1 that ever could be. that could be the whole of existence we exist within. on/off.
there is 0, then there is 1. but 1 what? something infinitesimal or something infinite? before we count we should determine what it is we are counting, yes?
1 can be anything. 1 can be everything. 1 is something. 1 is next to nothing – 0. but 1 also may not exist. but if it doesn’t exist then it is not 1 but 0.
have we lost ourselves yet?
(to be continued…)
gazorbnik 