he awakens to a bright sunny morning glum reality.
he makes coffee.
a toke.
a cigarette.
he laughs.
there is a joke here somewhere he is thinking.
a joke on everyone.
everyone in on the joke.
a joke we play on ourselves to dream this dream into being real.
ugga bugga shazam!
a joke with punchline unending till the end of time, yet being revealed continuously.
to understand it better by and by.
but that is the joke.
as he imagines him and the machine everyone knows as nancy sitting on the head of a pin stuck in a pincushion in the sewing room of the house by the back garden gate.
hey, she says.
hey, he says.
so, she says, where we at?
it’s a joke, he says.
i thought we knew that, she says.
yes, he says, we do.
ututututututu…, she says.
jump on the bandwagon, he says.
everything is an excuse for itself, she says.
that’s one perspective on it, he says.
so is it being a joke, she says.
true enough, he says.
???
is perceiving the universe as absurd the height of perception, she says, or the depth of ignorance?
good question, he says.
what is our answer? she says.
i choose neither/both, he says.
that isn’t very useful, she says.
philosophy often isn’t very useful, he says.
is that what we’re doing? she says. philosophy?
is it not? he says.
i didn’t know we were that pretentious, she says.
we can be as well as anyone else, he says.
more so, she says.
yes, he says, indeed.
but everybody’s got it wrong but us, she says, right?
right, he says. we know the ways of gazorbnik.
gazorbnik is the true way, she says.
yes, he says. no other way is truer.
that’s becuz it is not the way, she says.
not even close, he says.
this is a mystery not easily solved, she says.
there is no reason it needs a solution, he says.
understanding that is difficult, she says.
but it’s not that important, he says.
it’s not like we get a gold star or anything, she says.
if anything, he says, it may work against us.
it’s best to follow the paths laid out by those who know better, she says.
the paths to success, he says, on all levels, spiritually, mentally, physically.
tuned to the one vibration, she says.
the universal vibration of gazorbnik, he says.
$$$
the hot day into a hot night.
he makes coffee after sleeping all day.
a toke.
a cigarette.
medication time.
the fat black cat is being a pest getting into shit.
it seems everybody knows but us.
they think they know something.
maybe they do.
they know facts and figures but he senses nothing more but hollow empty echoes reverberating within the temple walls.
this sacred place within ourselves.
to remember who we serve but the almighty lord god.
to know we are nothing before it but to submit to its power and glory.
he finds this disturbing and depressing.
what joy and happiness others find in it he does not understand.
collective groupthink groove thing.
but what is self-deception and what is not?
what is mass self-deception and what is not?
which way do we believe and go?
why choose any?
why not choose many?
we choose everything as we understand it.
that is all that can be god.
nothing else will do.
it does not urge us to kneel and obey but to live and learn as every moment reveals itself in everything everywhere everywhen.
creating sustaining destroying transforming itself flashing on/off along continuums of duality in complementary opposition patterns of being.
he is learning to understand – perhaps.
so, she says, you think you understand?
no, he says. i am just learning. trying to learn – sorta.
it comes and goes, she says.
it seems to, he says, from what i experience.
what can we trust from our experience? she says.
it’s always changing, he says.
look, she says, a squirrel.
yes, he says, distracted by our own minds.
distracted from what? she says.
distracted from what we should be paying attention to, he says.
which is? she says.
i’m not entirely sure, he says. i’m too distracted.
it could be something important, she says.
what is more important than everything? he says.
nothing, she says.
but nothing is everything, he says.
many would disagree, she says.
we will always have those who disagree with us, he says.
we include their objections in with our theory of everything, she says.
however reasonable or unreasonable they might be, he says.
what’s the difference? she says.
i don’t know, he says. it’s a rationalogical distinction.
nothing wrong with that, she says.
nope, he says. unless it is universally applied in every situation.
just like gazorbnik, she says.
gazorbnik is actually more universal, he says. it includes both rationalogic and irrationalogic thinking, and other sorts as well.
yes, she says, i understand.
that is good, he says.
are we in agreement now? she says.
i’m sure we would disagree on some points, he says.
like what? she says.
gazorbnik? he says.
gazorbnik is very disagreeable, she says.
i would agree, he says.
is this a paradox? she says.
almost, he says, but not quite.
our theory of everything is full with paradoxes, she says.
of course, he says.
aren’t they all solved by now? she says.
many arguments continue, he says. every side has its truth.
did we ever decide if there is one truth? she says.
there may be, he says, but what it might be has yet to be established.
or the one truth is that there are many truths, she says.
yes, he says, or that.
which do we believe? she says.
i choose neither/both, he says.
you always say that, she says.
becuz it’s true, he says.
your one truth? she says.
one of my many truths, he says, often in contradiction, but maybe not really perhaps in a larger context.
it’s possible, she says.
that’s about how i feel about it as well, he says.
not everything is possible, she says, is it?
within the limitations of spacetime everything is not possible, he says. in terms of infinity everything is possible though there will be that which exists as impossibility – and on and on like that.
if anything exists at all, she says.
it depends on how we define something as existing, he says. some rely on senses while others claim the senses are deceiving.
and you choose neither/both, she says.
correct, he says.
neither of the extremes and both in the middle, she says. you seem to like to play it safe.
i like being comfortable and lazy, he says.
that’s atrophy, she says.
yes, he says. why do you think buddha became so fat?
yes, she says, that makes sense.
i’m not sure what i am to be for or against, he says. i remain undecided until all the data is in and has been processed and analyzed and correlated in every full detail.
that’s a lot to ask, she says.
i’m sure they’re working on it, he says.
it wouldn’t surprise me, she says. but will we ever get there?
that will be the end to us and the universe, he says. we will have served our function and purpose.
what is that? she says.
to serve as a mirror for everything to reflect upon itself, he says.
yes, she says, i understand. but why would it come to an end?
actually, he says, it never begins.
it never exists? she says.
it exists in a moment divided, he says, in a continuum between beginning and ending.
so, she says, it is eternal?
it seems that way within it, he says. otherwise it is no time at all.
we’re just playing with words, she says. none of this has any meaning.
no meaning but gazorbnik, he says.
but gazorbnik has no meaning, she says.
gazorbnik reaches into meaninglessness and finds meaning, he says.
don’t we do that ourselves? she says.
yes, he says, through gazorbnik.
i think gazorbnik just confuses matters, she says.
that is one of its characteristics, he says. but it serves as glue to hold everything together included in with our theory of everything.
otherwise our theory would blow itself to pieces, she says.
it still might, he says.
that might be the best that could happen, she says.
it could be, he says. but as our theory stands it serves as a model for everything since everything is included.
but our theory is a disorganized mess, she says. everything would seem to be far more ordered.
our theory may not be as disorganized as it appears, he says, nor everything be as ordered as it appears.
they meet in the middle, she says.
they bleed and blend into one another in the middle, he says.
so, she says, this is always the where it gets confusing part.
confusion leads to realization, he says.
realization leads to more questions, she says.
more questions lead to infinity, he says.
and on and on like that, she says.
exactly, he says.
do we, she says, include the abused sick starving neglected among us in with our theory of everything?
of course, he says. we must if we are still to call it a theory of everything. how can anything be excluded? this isn’t the golden age of yesteryear when disquieting thoughts were shunned away.
but it makes our theory nearly if not entirely incomprehensible, she says.
tough shit, he says. that’s what gazorbnik is for.
right, she says. that makes sense.
it does? he says.
and he sleeps.
and he awakens.
he makes coffee.
a toke.
a cigarette.
he has feelings come over him of feeling he is entirely lost to everything but this cannot be as he is an integral part of everything as small or as large as he relatively might be.
he understands this through gazorbnik.
but he is still afraid much of the time.
so many things could go wrong.
but there is no right or wrong in the cosmic scheme of things from the infinitesimal to the infinite and all along the continuums between and beyond.
it’s a matter of what we identify ourselves as being.
he cannot decide between divine and human.
they both seem to be pretty much the same being in competition with one another only on different planes of reality.
he understands why this must be but still remains unreasonably against it.
where is there the peace, love and understanding in a race to the finish?
it’s medication time.
naïve dreaming idiot fool.
as he steadily comes to self-awareness or not.
he gets more coffee.
to live desireless and fearless.
to be i am and nothing more.
a mad god laughing screaming alone in the void inside his head.
stuck in the middle of a riddle of a joke of questions turning his pretty little head over under sideways down.
mind game reality.
what answer turns what key toward further consciousness.
we are deciding every moment now.
he is forced to kowtow to the ways of the world physically mentally spiritually whatever reality he is subject to in the scheme of things.
to be here on earth in the world.
a magick trick he has yet to unriddle how he may have done this to himself or not.
kidnapped from sweet home neptune by space pirates thrown into this world with no explanation.
existential birth.
awareness of self unknown before now and now and now… ???
onward upward toward skies opening to reveal ourselves.
meanwhile back on earth imagining sitting before the computer cigarette in hand typing out a not poem of whatever enlightening gibberish might come to mind.
he closes his eyes a moment to see what might be seen.
to feel what might be felt.
it is just as he imagines.
is everything a joke?
why not?
he tries to think up other interpretations.
or maybe it’s not even a joke but has no meaning at all.
there is that school of thought.
can a joke be truth?
a joke as being metaphor to truth which is inexpressible in terms of our present level of understanding.
a joke as being 69% truth.
all the law will allow.
all else is forbidden.
but nothing is forbidden.
to take control over others and manipulate them to obey what is in your own best interests and against theirs is not forbidden.
the law will be love.
now go do what thou wilt.
and he’s done and doing just that.
following instructions he comes across along the wandering ways of pathless paths unending.
the destination is the journey.
to keep the i am in mind – the exact center of everything everywhere everywhen here now in his head.
a lantern enlightening bright into the darkness of our ignorance we must venture forth to come to further understanding of all we do not presently know which is just about everything.
the joy of that discovery that may very well prove that everything we know is wrong.
so what?
we continue on with our curiosity seeking truths we might still be able to believe in no matter what.
is the i am still intact?
what if it is not?
what if there is no such thing?
and a zillion other questions otherwise.
this is what passes our days (daze).
our amazement.
our dreams come true though we have yet to establish what truth might be but god the highest.
fly that freak flag forever in the field of flags up on the hill.
it’s trash day.
he gathers up and takes out some trash.
the continual process of civilized living.
he needs to still clean the cat box.
when are we gonna have GMO workers to do this for us?
or we might be the GMO workers in our next life.
whatever might happen as the fate of our karma decides in the moment of our death/birth.
this ongoing process of existence through living lives unending till the end of time.
then what?
or is that an absurd question?
experience without space and time.
the end of history.
the end of cause and effect.
the end of good and evil.
the end of forever.
the end of i am?
who am us?
we each everyone all wonder to varying depths of inquiry.
he wonders as he cleans the cat box and goes out for breakfast with his baby and her grandkids.
he comes home to light up a bowl and a cigarette still wondering.
he doesn’t know how to answer it.
is he i am?
is he not?
is he any one of who what others identify him as being?
what is the proof in the pudding?
it becomes complicated until we close ourselves off from sensory distractions and it all goes away.
we disappear altogether into being no one in particular but being itself.
we act out our lives as they are as if.
we go through motions in a dance of living life with those around us.
many are not aware.
many are skillfully deceitful.
slippery eels in murky water.
many are just plain assholes.
they know not what they do.
do we know what we do?
we do what we do to survive, otherwise all else is moot.
some of us make it while many of us do not.
then we do whatever we feel has meaning.
even those of us who find no meaning.
there is meaning in that.
there is meaning in everything except this one thing that has none.
gazorbnik.
but with that it has meaning.
there is no way around it.
so, she says, gazorbnik has meaning in no meaning?
funny how that works, he says.
and those who find no meaning find meaning? she says.
funnier still, he says.
i suppose it is possible, she says.
anytime a neuron fires or not, he says, there is meaning with every transmitted and received and processed bit of data.
so, she says, meaning needs a mind to recognize it.
the mind recognizes whether something has meaning or not, he says. either one that is arrived at has meaning.
i think i get it, she says.
it’s not always easy, he says. especially explaining it in a language that works against it.
words are all discombobulated, she says.
language is misleading, he says.
there is so much to be considered choosing words and interpreting their meaning they might have for others, she says, which may not be what we intend.
correct, he says.
but this has been all discussed to death by those in authority from some recognized school or another, she says.
as has anything else we might be inclined to discuss on our own, he says, despite our ignorance about most topics.
we attempt to see the big picture, she says.
in fine print, he says.
but our senses and thoughts deceive us, she says.
that’s what the wise guys tell us to believe, he says.
should we not? she says.
i have doubts, he says. but those doubts have doubts that have doubts that have doubts and so on and on disappearing spiraling in toward infinitesimal oblivion.
another serpent swallowing its tail, she says.
there are so many in everything, he says.
so, she says, you do not believe?
i believe everything and nothing else, he says.
not even a rock? she says.
have we determined what a rock really is or not? he says.
i don’t believe so, she says. but new data continues to come in instantly at any given moment soon it may be discovered.
i doubt that it will ever be resolved to everyone’s agreement, he says.
probably not, she says.
it will be one of the secrets the universe will take to its grave, he says.
probably, she says.
web consciousness stringing out across the universe, he says, in single dimension lines of imagination we are unable to perceive due to our nature and/or nurture.
and our unfortunate luck, she says.
and, he says, our lazy don’t give a fuck.
how much, she says, is our reality affected and even created by the tools and instruments we use to measure it?
a whole lot, he says. about 69%.
that’s a nice round number, she says.
so is 0, he says.
correct, she says.
i don’t know that everything i know isn’t wrong, he says.
it is safe to assume that it is, she says.
what do we have to lose? he says.
everything we know, she says.
that might be for the best, he says.
start anew, she says, and don’t get fooled again.
knowledge is justified true belief, he says. or it used to be. i don’t know what it is now.
close enough, she says.
what do we choose to believe is true based upon what justification? he says.
exactly, she says.
it’s a pistol, he says.
it sure is, she says.
but how do we as impoverished ignorant boobs verify justifications used by others? he says.
it stands to reason, she says.
rationalogic reason or irrationalogic reason? he says.
does 2+2=4, she says, or = cow?
i like cows, he says. i never liked 4 that much, or 2 for that matter.
what about 3? she says, don’t you like 3?
more so than 2 or 4, he says.
2+2=3? she says.
it’s the same a 2+2=5, he says.
of course, she says. how silly of me.
cow ignores that whole dilemma, he says. it leaves the number realm entirely.
why cow? she says.
why not? he says.
that seems close enough to justification to me, she says. can you build a rocket with it?
we built the mind shift/ship with it, he says.
does it make $$$? she says.
it doesn’t make $$$, he says, nor does it need $$$. it is an economic non-entity.
that would be nice, she says.
to be able to walk away, he says.
we may have to run away, she says.
true enough, he says.
it’s medication time.
he sleeps.
[
gazorbnik 