… ???

sometimes it’s just nothing.
sometimes there is everything.
he just doesn’t understand the situation probably.
perpetual darkness.
eternal light.
12=13.
hello kitty.
the chains of command.
from infinite god down to infinitesimal particles.
he’d rather be dreaming in his head.
reality is so cumbersome.
and we supposedly don’t even belong here according to what the wise guys tell us.
we belong with god.
the promises they tell us from their high seats.

he makes coffee.
a toke.
a cigarette.
to worship the world.
the world provides what we need to survive – kinda.
but the world is temporal.
it comes and goes.
everything comes and goes.
the world is where we learn our lesson.
those who fail are destroyed.
he was never much good at school.
always dreaming out the window.
a problem child no one seemed to quite know what to do with.
take him out and shoot him.
deviant of the master race.

to worship (to prostrate) anything seems absurd to him.
but there are many those who are willing.
and there are those many who are forced.
who would seriously want others prostrate before them?
the world is god’s footstool.
all glory to god.
to acknowledge that it could destroy us at any time with its ultimate supernatural powers on a mere whim if it chose to.
it bids us to rise and enter unto heaven.

god as über-ape.
that silverback king of them all.
to arrive at this godhead thing.
what a waste of his time.
in a meadow of daisies in the midst of a forest of dreams on an island in the eye of a storm raging on an otherwise calm sea.
the sea is humanity.
and he dreams about those who believe in this god while he also dreams about everything.
he reports to the committee via not poem he is typing out thinking about whatever comes to mind.
thinking about everything at once.
our rationalogic thinking leads us to this god.
the finite conception of the infinite.
it may or may not be true.
he is sitting on a fence in the middle of crossfires of ideas and ideals.
it’s all theoretical speculative nonsense to him.
he decides what is perhaps possible to be the actual situation – if there is an actual situation.
so much is kept hidden perhaps later to be revealed to our astonishment.
he is astonished already.
it doesn’t take much.
he is a simple idiot disguised as fool.

meanwhile he imagines himself gazing out the window at a gray morning dripping from recent rain.
he needs to go out for supplies.
not now.
he doesn’t know what to think about what.
everything changing with the moment flowing eternal to the sea.
be one with that.
remaining always transforming from ourselves into ourselves – whatever that might mean.
the greater self than the self.
he feels he sorta gets it but it seems so roundabout way of going about it that to him seems unnecessary.

the apparent display of ego-centered consciousness.
the vehicle of the spirit.
energy waves of living life within.
enjoy it while it lasts.
dress it up.
make it up.
take it anywhere we want to go which he never much wanted to go anywhere but to stay home to dream instead of being around a buncha crazy people who believe they are sane cuz they run the world and make it work which is all well and good but could be done more simple and easier fulfilling our basic needs rather than our every whim and fancy destroying the earth.
but who will change their minds?
what effort is already being expended toward that?
but their minds must be willing to change.
what would convince them?
nothing has convinced them so far.
not force nor reason.
they are successful winners and make $$$ as the way things are and seem will always continue.
that’s all they understand.
while we endure.
while he opts out of the whole thing of it that is irresolvable.

what’s the deal?
it could be anything.
he doesn’t know.
he doesn’t care really as long as they don’t rock his boat.
but they sail by in their pleasure yachts and warships making waves.
that’s their dream of wealth and power in this world.
we cannot argue with it.
it works for them as far as they’re concerned.
they couldn’t care less how it might affect anyone else.
join us, they say as they lock the gates against us.
how do we get through to them as exclusive as they have made themselves?
or do we wait for their whole scheme to break down and collapse?
but that has occurred before and there’s always someone else willing and ready to fill the void left behind.
so it goes on and on.
no end in sight.

in the café sitting by the window.
mocha, biscuits and gravy, orange juice.
everything is right in the world – his world.
a world teetering wobbly gyroscopic on the edge of reality.
drawing the curtain back to reveal ranks of people pulling levers and pushing buttons of the god machine according to instructions from above.
he goes to get supplies.
he comes back to the café.
a cigarette on the patio talking with his baby.
then inside by the window again.
scribble some more.

the god machine chugs and churns devouring $$$ and spits out certificates of salvation.
and how many believe this is truth without thinking about it, without wanting to think about it – thinking hurts.
bad bad brain.

everything as a dragon shitting a 0 dimension singularity plenum thing of infinitely dense matter in potential of being with a spark of infinity possibility exploding into finite spacetime universe expanding approaching infinity or not.
there ain’t no such thing as nothing.
looking for laws of harmony and order dismissing the discordant and chaos.
but to be dismissed something must therefore exist therefore it is part of everything therefore it needs to be included in with any theory of everything.
don’t be fooled.
|_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_|

we are fooled.
we fool ourselves.
he fools himself.
he is gullible about everything.
he is a believer in everything though everything may be not.
but he has a zillion doubts.
everything he believes contradicts itself.
there is no truth but possibilities of truth.
he eats some ginger snaps dunking them in coffee.
a cigarette.
a blind date with destiny.
what does he know from direct experience?
he gazes out the window a-wondering.
he knows he is (i am).
he knows what he feels within himself.
he knows what he perceives with his senses.
he knows what he has learned from others relating their experiences.
he knows what he imagines.
how much of it should he believe?
to doubt is to exist.
what is within but consciousness?
awareness of being.
thoughtless consciousness that is thinking.
thinking about everything he experiences.
which comes first?
do we experience and then think, or do we think and then experience?
realism vs idealism thing on and on debate.
how can there be proof of one or the other?
proof is when something can be verified with the senses.
but if we are questioning the very senses themselves what do we use to verify our conclusions?
blah blah blah.

we are told by others the many different theories they have about everything.
everything is physical.
everything is spiritual.
what do we actually know about any of that but what we have happened across along on our way thinking about everything willy-nilly?
we know that is all seems in contradiction with itself.
how do we gauge what truth there may or not be?
there are many truths people propose, some with a force of arms and $$$.
he doubts that any one of these truths is truth but that truth encompasses all these truths.
there should be a point of view from which all these truths are not in contradiction but are complementary and in agreement and harmony.
harmony of discord.
light is truth.
darkness is truth.
they both can be truth while their truths are in contradiction.
light is truth for light.
darkness is truth for darkness.
or something like that.

this is where his mind goes.
this is his virgo obsessive compulsive madness.
hahaha.
he don’t care.
it’s what he gets paid for.
best job he’s ever had.
typing out a not poem report to the committee that probably doesn’t exist.
making up shit like gazorbnik and guru jeff to keep himself and whoever amused.
him and his damned ignorance surrounding him his dim candlelight cannot penetrate.
does anyone give us credit for anything?
their lord god certainly doesn’t.
all we do is evil in its mind and must be punished for all eternity.
birth after birth.
life after life.
death after death.
all our efforts are futile.
we have learned that so far.
so we have been told by the others who aren’t interested in anything that won’t make them $$$.
but that is how the world works according to universal law.
the law of their god.

which comes first out of everything?
what supervenes upon what?
or is it all at once the same?
the physical is the mental as the mental is the physical rather than one leading or following the other.
he experiences no difference himself.
sophomoric understanding.
have another toke.
another cigarette.
to bite the hand that feeds him.
draw blood.
to be cast out to the wolves.
eat or be eaten.
to wander naked unafraid of god, human or beast.
there are no gods but that spirit interwoven into the physical.
they are not physical objects but physical behaviors.
what is the exact instant of creation but now?
we are exploding.
where when does it begin or end?
we are unable to measure the moment.
what is the different between the moment and not the moment?
where when do we draw the line?
is it here now?
or is it here now?
1 > infinity.
on/off.

a singularity isn’t as “small” as we think.
it has 0 dimension located at the exact center of infinity everywhere.
SEX.
nothing is impossible cuz there ain’t nothing preventing everything from being possible.
the possibility of existence that once existing seems impossible viewed from within set given parameters of conditions necessary for existence.
existence as what?
something able to be perceived?
something able to be experienced?
something knowing itself?
perceived by what?
experienced by what?
knowing itself as what?
does it live in a house and mow the lawn?
does it shit in a toilet?
a seemingly finite spacetime universe is created.
the finite cannot adequately describe infinity not in any of its parts and not in its whole except to symbolically trigger our imagination.
our imagination goes where we cannot.
and he sleeps.

><><><><><><><><><><><

he awakens.
he makes coffee.
a toke.
a cigarette.
to return continuing typing out a not poem about our theory of everything.
a buncha bunk.
it medication time.
it’s also trash day.
various housework to do and stuff.
like laundry and the cat box and such.
he gets more coffee.

he becomes despondent about everything not being able to put it together into anything universally agreeable.
but why should it be so?
multiple realities for everyone which would be ok if we didn’t fight about it over it being this way or that way or the other way and on and on and so on like it is.
maybe we would all agree that the world sucks?
we’d have a good laugh and maybe better get along?
but there are those who feel that agreement among us can only be achieved if everyone is thinking the same thing as they are.
whatever.
so as much as we are concerned we cannot be concerned about what the others do or not.
we are in this for ourselves to attain the best we can for ourselves.
for many the best is whatever material goods they can gather into their possession.
for others it is treasures laid up in heaven.
for him this life as is is the best he can imagine – though winning the lottery would be ok, as would attaining godhead.
neither are gonna happen, but you can’t win if you don’t play.
that’s how they getcha.
that’s how life gets ya.

to find our own peace within manifested without as we perceive the world and others in it as ourselves.
as we seek to find something to believe in without a doubt and so far have come up pretty much zip – except for gazorbnik.
but who knows what gazorbnik means?
everything is questionable.
it could very well remain so for eternity.
our mission is to piece together as much of it as we are able under the circumstances of our situation.
our self-imposed mission from god.
a god we do not know or understand it would seem from what the wise guys tell us.
but they are all part of the illusion we are distracted by.
where are they where we are?
where are we?

we have nothing but dreams.
our imaginations wild.
reason stretching to the breaking point of no return.
to separate the wheat from the chaff.
the spirit from the body.
the threshing floor.
cast off the chaff now having fulfilled its function to return it to the earth to regenerate itself again.
everything in cycles spiraling never repeating quite the same ever.
everything in a mad dream of a mad god laughing screaming alone inside the void in his head.
he has little doubt about that.
he dreams it for himself to dream.
he dreams everything for himself to dream.
to dream reality filled with others with dreams of their own.
we all put it together this way that way the other way on and on communicating our ideas of it with one another through various means from gestures to empathic telepathy.
we agree with some and disagree with others.
many of us couldn’t care less about it at all.
we each come to our own understanding that either fits in with the collective whole or not.
but we don’t seem to be able to agree even on what the collective whole is or should be.

he lets this run through his mind awhile.
he gazes out the window to watch however much of the world as he can see.
it appears not to change yet to the practiced eye it is all changing.
what does that mean?
without change there would be nothing.
nothing we would perceive or experience anyway.
would we still know i am?
how without change?
but remove the i am and everything disappears.
i am is the primordial 1st thought.
without it no other thought is possible.
or not.

then there is it.
that which is perceived and experienced.
there are two ways to go from that.
into within or into without – if there is actually a difference between the two.
what is the topography of ourselves?
into what realities does it transverse through?
he feels that he experiences many at a time.
what can be proven beyond the ability of what the senses perceive if that is stated to be the determining measure of what is proof?
he looks at what his senses tell him is a rock.
but in his thinking it is much more depth of imagined meaning.
the same is true with everything.
what is the true rock?
is there a rock?
is there i am to perceive and experience the rock?
always fucking questions.
and everybody has an answer.
their answer is truth to them.
he himself doesn’t have much of any answers.
he’s not so much bothered by that really.
answers lead to further questions.
questions are where it’s all happening, baby.

he pops in a piece of nicotine gum to see if he might make it through the day without a cigarette.
jets and helicopters fly low overhead.
he takes out the trash and waters the plants.
he has laundry washing in the machine.
a world where we just eat acid all the time without worry or care.
it’s just wind in our hair.
empty the dishwasher and clean the cat box.
another toke.
he does not worship kings.
that’s for losers.
he’s a winner.
he’s gained victory over himself – though there are still pockets of resistance here and there.
he proudly bravely waves his ragged burning freak flag high higher highest above the world.
or else he is delusional.
he’s ok with it either way.
one person’s delusion is another’s reality.
we each have our own dreams.
logic never fails.
he’s never been much with rules to follow if he feels like it or not if he doesn’t.
this gets him in and outta trouble.
in the divine plan there is bound to be someone like him – maybe several many someones like him.
just don’t too much care or not.
it’s all dogma as much as he is able to determine considering everything he knows is wrong.
but dogmas contain elements of truth which he steals and includes in with our theory of everything to understand their true meaning – if any or what.
he trusts no one with truth but takes it into consideration while he thinks about it to understand it first before deciding to believe it or not.
thought experiments.
dream experiments.
he nukes and eats a hot dog.
his baby wakes up.