um… what?

awakening from a long long sleep.
he makes tea.
a toke.
a cigarette.
thinking about everything sideways.

monkeys.
nothing but monkeys.
living in a trailer park in an area of town commonly referred to as felony flats.
life on the other side of this life.
digging it.
if you’re not digging it then why are you doing it? – guru jeff.

choice is not always an option.
fate delivers what it will.
nature nurture karma thing having its part in the mixed up mix of ourselves.
everything is as it is according to certain sets of given parameters that create the illusion of this world as reality.
at the center of an infinite universe.

things in his head that are irrelevant to anything.
things in his head that make anything irrelevant.
it’s all love and fear and loathing.
it’s all radiating in cosmic waves throughout the universe.
what do we know?
what does he know about what we know?
what do we know about what we know?
everyone processing all sorts of information worldwide from scribbling on paper to massive computer networks.
what does it all mean?
gazorbnik, that’s what.
hahaha.
nobody gets it but us.
there’s a few more surprises yet to come.
hang on to your fright wigs, people.
full speed down a rocky road straight to heck.
not even hell will have us.
we are them.

he lights another cigarette.
thinking deep shallow thoughts.
it’s all he knows having not been paying attention when he should have been nor does he still.
lack of interest.
he’s not into shit like other people are into shit.
just into everything as much as he can grasp with his simple mind.
he figures that’s enough.
cold and rainy day.
he’s not all here now.
that’s the thing of it.
one of the things of it.
it is it.
it consciousness.
the primordial spark of being.
it comes and goes.
changing changelessness.
action through inaction.
e=mc².
and all that jazz.
and he needs to sleep again.
and there’s dishes to put into the machine.

late after a nap –
and there so many people who just don’t understand one another.
or understand one another far too well.
he understands and does not understand.
nor do many understand themselves.
he has little understanding of himself either.
the sun is out now.
bipolar weather.
spring.
what to doubt and what not to doubt.
a bullet can end the world.
put it out of its misery.
zoom in on the world and see all the needless suffering when there is pain enough already.
interesting.
zoom out into blissful oblivion.

a rotten fallen tree laying taking root as its branches unfurl themselves upward.
eternal life.
everything in fluctuation.
new life from old.
observe.
understand.
understand the anger and hatred there is among us.
anger and hatred of each other and the deeper anger and hatred of ourselves.
understand that within ourselves.
understand that within each other.
everything is change.
everything is redundant.
typing out whatever comes to mind at the moment into a not poem about our theory of everything.
the blues come to town.
time of non-thought.
another cigarette.
sleep.

awake again.
the drama continues with the problems he tries to stay out of.
he has no idea how they might be resolved except people just chill out getting so excited.
we are our own undoing.
he thinks about how he will not remember any of this.
it’ll all be gone as if it never was.
so why bother with any of it?
let it go its own way.
he doesn’t know anything else he might be able to do about it.
not with these people as they are.
not with himself as he is.
what’s the point?
no one gives a shit.

people are weird.
he’s never been able to quite figure them out what they’re about very much why they do this or that or the other thing and on and on.
seeking a place to hang their hat where when it’s cool.
becoming bored with that and seeking fun and excitement until that becomes too much.
around around they go.
the nature of the beast.
he’s never been able to figure himself out either why he does this or that or the other thing cuz it seems like the thing to do at the time.
people destructive to themselves and each other.
he can barely tolerate the vibrations of despair and suffering emanating from them constantly when he is out among them.
so he mostly stays at home with himself and his baby and the fat black cat.

he doesn’t trust people much.
they are not reliable in the condition they are in always wavering and arguing about everything there is.
he reaches for his own peace, love and understanding as he might find it however he will or won’t as it comes and goes as waves on a beach of an island in the eye of a storm raging on an otherwise calm sea.
the sea is humanity.
this is where he imagines himself watching the waves roll in and wash out as they will and waiting for an eternity in a moment.
all things must pass as is their nature.
nothing really exists anyway so what does it matter?
it matters not.
ever-flowing kaleidoscope of diamond light and shadow images mesmerizing us into a dream where everything is real.
how absurd.
he laughs at the thought of this being.
everything is absurd.
everything is nothing.
nothing is everything.
the answer is a riddle.
it’s in our mind.
our mind over matter.

and he should know about these things he questions.
if he paid more attention perhaps.
or he should have known instinctively from birth.
we shouldn’t be left abandoned here in ignorance about things it is important that we understand for our wellbeing and wellbeing of others.
but how else do the gods find their amusement but through our antics they gaze from afar?
all could be and should be different.
all equal to all.
none above another.
but that’s not how it is.
that’s how it will never be.
being all through it as much as his simple mind can fathom and he doesn’t get it.
he’ll never understand ever it seems to him now.
he could gain enlightened godhead this instant and still be a dumb fuck as much as always.
he holds no hope for that.

he is lost.
he is found.
he doesn’t know which.
sometimes it seems one and sometimes seems the other.
how is one to tell?
life is the same either way as not being fair.
boo-fucking-hoo.
he is not complaining as much as he just doesn’t understand.
he sees no way to it though there are those who promise answers but you have to get involved in their whole groupthink trip of whatever and of course give them $$$.
110% commitment.
devotees devoted to devotion.
he’s not been much into that sort of thing mostly.
it makes him feel silly.
he likes his homegrown shit for all it is and all it is not as useless as it may seem to others.
he has nothing for anyone.
they are on their own.
he is on his own it would seem as well.

what to make of all this.
what is it?
a dream in our minds?
what minds?
our minds in the dream.
nothing is impossible unless forbidden by certain set conditions of a particular given reality.
this and not that.
that and not this.
an infinite number of universes and beyond.
spin the wheels one more time.

nosey neighbors spying through cracked blinds keeping track of infractions against the unspoken rules by others.
no one minds their own business.
everyone has something to say about it.
the social drama of it.
such a waste of time when we could be discussing the nature of everything to see what we might come up with that rings true enough for our purposes.
who knows what could happen?
we might actually agree on things despite how much we are told otherwise by those who have a vested interest in keeping us divided and conquered.
$$$.
it all comes back to that.
$$$ is an economic tool to simplify our transactions with one another for our wants and needs in our pursuit of happiness and such.
it should flow among us equally more or less.
but there are those of us who build dams to hold it all for themselves keeping it from the rest of us.
such a waste of time and energy that only increases friction among us such that it is nearly impossible for us to get along.
a perfect cooperative communal world is probably not possible but we don’t even make an attempt to realize it even in part.
it cannot be enforced.
people will reject it outright for that reason alone no matter what possible benefits they might gain from it.
it should swell from the ground up and take over the hearts and minds of the population until it reaches critical mass and becomes itself fully realized.
like that’ll ever happen.
it is easily quashed by a guarded attentive regime of wealth and power and those invested in maintaining it that way cuz they feel they too might climb to the top and rule over others and get their own way.
children.
they do not know any better.
they cannot nor will not think beyond their own selfish greed.
they do not question that might makes right.
they do not question that things might be different.
their way is TRUTH.
oh well.
it was fun while it lasted.

we assume that in the beginning there was nothing.
we assume first of all that there was a beginning no matter how we envision how it might have been.
if there is infinity then there is no beginning nor end.
if everything is everything then there must be infinity.
everything and nothing are two sides of the same coin flipping up in the air in a state of probability.
we watch and wait.
will it ever be decided one way or another?
we doubt that.
as everything exists as it is in this probability state continuum thing of indecision.
that is how everything appears to exist while not actually existing or some such.
so, we have a continuing state of probability appearing as reality.
we cannot say it is one thing nor another as it all stands now.
but now is all there is whether now is yesterday or tomorrow or whenever.
it exists the same.
eternity is now.

and what else do we propose with our theory of everything?
everything is in cycles vibrating from every possible location and beyond never repeating the same though similar enough to be perceived by our naked eye to be the same.
the variations may be infinitesimal beyond our natural vision.
these such things appear to us as being solid.
for all intents and purposes they might as well be.
though if we think about it we realize that they are not but that realization does little to aid us as we relate to the world which is one of a kind best and worst of all possible worlds that may cause us the greatest pleasure or pain on a whim expressed as fate.
it is possible that the world is a collective creation of all our minds, which may be one mind according to some theories among us.
we have little invested in it being one or the other – one or many minds.
it works for us either way.
why not both?
one thing cannot be two things, cries the logic man.
we laugh.

we experience therefore we exist?
that might be one way to put it, though others will undoubtedly argue about it as they enjoy doing.
i am that i am is another way to express it.
or it is it.
or gazorbnik.
whatever.
we each make it up for ourselves individually influenced by how it is collectively made up by the others.
we steal ideas from whatever sources we might come across as they are useful to us in some way or another.
we gather them and try to fit them together into our own scheme of things that works for us.

then there is the solipsist solution to everything.
it makes it so much easier.
we exist because we say so and no one else may question us cuz we are all only what exists – so there.
but we have our doubts.
but maybe not.

anyway, so here we are all of us together in disarray it seems.
but is everything not in disarray?
why should it be in perfect order as many theories hold to be true?
and why not both?
dualities are not necessarily binary as many theories hold to be true.
they are continuums from one binary pole to its opposite.
these poles have no value other than being opposite.
opposites in opposition.
complementary opposites.
or both.
sigh.
this gets wearisome thinking this shit that few and far between might possibly understand while the world goes mad.
oh well.

another cigarette is called for.
he lights one up.
ahhh…
meanwhile we are thinking about the exact natural role tree frogs might play in the function of turning galaxies.
will this ever be calculated by super-über-duber logic machine minds?
perhaps.
but our mission never ends until eternity is no more.
even death does not seem to hinder us but in fact aid us in our pursuit.
to evolve one mind to another perhaps according to some theories.
whatever may come to be will come to be.
maybe many things will come to be.
all everyone’s idea of it coming true.
is that not this world already?
ideas of reality competing adapting to fit and survive and possibly thrive.
the losers meet with oblivion.
a world not complete but always under construction deconstruction reconstruction and such.
a world we know is always changing from all of our observations.

this is roughly a draft outline sketch of our theory of everything.
we could be entirely wrong.
that’s what makes it a theory, not truth.
but to us all truth is theory until all the data is in which it probably never will be ever never.
as it is they bend their truths for their convenience when necessary to meet the demands of newly discovered evidence to the contrary.
but for many truth is the only answer they will accept.
they are not amused with answers being riddles of more questions.
they won’t put up with theory.
it must be absolute truth not only for themselves but in their minds universally for all everyone to subscribe to and obey without any more fucking questions, goddamn it.
we have nothing to counter to that state of thinking.
everything we know is wrong according to them.
we cannot win.
we cannot even compromise.
for them it’s all or nothing.
thank the gods that may or may not be that we don’t think like they do.
how sad and frightening that would be.

but it seems that the truth believers have an advantage over the rest of us.
they are able to organize and take over the world as they have done.
only a rival counter truth might rise up against them and take their place.
another paradigm whose turn has come.
we however are hopelessly helpless in this regard of domination and control.
first of all we don’t want it even if it were an available option for us.
that is not how our theory of everything works.
action through inaction sort of.
we endure with the possibility that we will continue to be among them whether they or we like it or not.
it doesn’t matter if we do or not.
only that we are here now and we influence what we can in our favor.
in everybody’s favor if they would just stop and think about it.
our way is one way becuz it is all ways.
simple.
adapt and survive.
we are basically parasitic in nature.
we feed off the host while doing little benefit – nor harm.
but are not parasites god’s creatures too?
don’t they deserve their place in heaven?
we happen to think so – but only becuz we are them.

to be continued…

another morning

he has mixed feelings about murder.
it would certainly cut down on the population if it was allowed.
that’s a good positive thing.
good coming from evil.
the circumstances of our fate whatever which way they might become.
they are whatever they are but we interpret what they mean to us individually collectively often in conflict with one another even among those who share common beliefs.
|||||||||||
all part of the process of coming to understanding for one and all – if ever.
we are forced to go along with what we do not agree with by those who control all the vital resources.
they’ve taken over this world for their own sense purpose toward personal gain and glorification.
it is our mission to take the word away from them.
set up our own regime of how things ought to be done.
this is the project.
the project is ahead of schedule and under budget.
we’ve been working on it for 1000s of years at least that we are aware of.
the record stands for itself if we read between the lines.
[][][][][][]
we endure.

we have a god.
the name of our god is x.
nothing more needs to be explained than that.

we do not need the interference of the others.
the others are a troublesome nuisance to us and our dedicated work for our god.
this simplistic things they laugh at.
they don’t know.
how could they?
a constant unknown variable in the equation of everything.
a variable constantly changing with the weather of shapes of things to come.
x.

let x=x.

there is so much going on.
there is too much going on.
spinning plates sideways.
we hold our breath.
the winds outside come back again.
another cigarette.

a time discovering x.
x is eternal unless it is given a value.
then it has the limitations of that value.

let x=?

an eternal incomprehensible mystery.
but few wish to think this far into it.
they are happy with the popular familiar façade.

let x=$$$.

let’s have holidays of $$$.
let’s celebrate by spending $$$ for the pigs to rake in.
but we cannot stop ourselves.
why would we want to and become pariahs?
but we are already that.
it’s all the same difference.
there’s no way out in this world.
except x.

x is unexpected.
x keeps the spooks away.
x is something that need not concern you.
x skates on thin ice.

buy now and save.

it kinda creeps up on ya when you least expect it.

let x=it.

there must always be x – an unknown.
everything would not be everything without it.
can we know what we do not know?
it would seem that first we must know all that we know.
but that is incomprehensible to the present human mind obsessed with SEX.

let x=SEX.

let x fuck and suck itself silly in all permutations and perversions thereof.
we watch and wait in a garden on an island in the eye of a storm raging on an otherwise calm sea.
the sea is humanity.
the degradation of the many for the elevation of the few.
the struggles and conflicts of everyday living among them and within oneself.
there’ll always those outside the bell curve of anything while the many attempt to climb to the top.
there will always be the continuum of duality.
that seems to be the state everything exists.
how could it be any other way?
but we suppose it could be some way we would not comprehend under our present circumstances.
but that is more or less irrelevant except as idle philosophic speculations.
it doesn’t put food on the table unless we are among the professional class of philosophers with positions to defend against those with new and improved ideas about whatever.
get with it or get off it.

it’s medication time.

give us drugs or kill us.
or before we kill you.
whatever.
it’s always an option.

he is waiting for chips implants everyone else seems to be worried about.
666.
the mark of the beast.
and all that.
even if that be so he still wants one.
he’s always already been dancing with the devil.
he wants to be in with the in crowd.
techno-telepathic access to information and communication.
mental enhancement software.
global consciousness.
what delicious thoughtcrimes we might disseminate.
the wave of the future, baby.
watch out.

and then somebody hacks our brain.
our secret desires and fears stolen.
all the same hijinks as always.
but the benefits outweigh the risks.
and we’ll have firewalls and antivirus protection and such.
and so on.

a granola bar.
he has a sore tooth with nerve exposed from being broken.
he has to be careful chewing or – ouch!

the sun is shining while the wind is blowing.
everything in flux.
rearranging configurations preceding spiraling from one to another never repeating.
sometimes the differences are too minute to be discerned by our senses alone unless otherwise enhanced.
to the naked eye a rock is a rock while it is a swirling mass of particles blinking on/off in waves forming the appearance of said rock.
or so they tell us.
green cheese.

with wild imaginations unhampered by reasoned arguments to the contrary we imagine him sitting before the computer hunched over the keyboard typing out a not poem manifesto about our theory of everything and then some.
everything comes and goes.
it’s here and then it’s not.
prove it is anywhere at anytime.
but it seems so obvious.
but perhaps it’s not.

but we’re tired of this foolishness of illusion.
what are we doing in this world if it’s not the real thing?
fuck that.
we’re fine and happy here as anyplace anytime else.
more or less.
but it comes and then it goes.
it appears then disappears within a lifetime of wondering leaving us alone again in a solipsistic void laughing screaming as we please to no avail until we fantasize another reality to dive into and forget.
he lights another cigarette.

this best and worst of all possible worlds with its myriad of possibilities of outcomes continuing on and on with or without us.
are we not all solipsists in this world we dream individually collectively together more or less?
or not.
vacation in what used to be paradise.
the new and improved world.
a useless world of lies and deceptions.
there is nothing here for us but lifetime imprisonment.
an uncertain death our only way out.
and many take that chance.
he might too.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
we’re all in a zoo of our own construction.
here we remain till our own destruction.
he is tired and needs a nap.

what is the question?

YES

S.P.L.I.T. set him on his road to ruin.
it made him frightened and laugh.

ready to open wide to be shot down in mid-flight escape route to nowhere (now here) landing back down here on easy street in some rocky horror daydream thing we had at one time but not now with more important things to do like watching the grass grow on the hill where the flags are burning waving in the sun but everything provides for all if you know how to work it right as fate might allow us to get away with living another day in our self-induced paradise out on patrol around the bend to view the cute kittens playing in a meadow of daisies with the monster who lives in the forest of dreams according to popular local myth believed by those who have nothing else left that has much of any meaning turning one way then the other in these empty spheres of regretful influence we have upon us and our terrible sorrow leading us to joy if we have the inclination suchwise with 101 reasons not to working against us now at the point of our ascension to higher more refined planes where we may look down laughing at the suckers left behind and it’s fucking cold outside.
and he wonders why he bothers except he writes as he thinks as he writes on and on in self-absorbed amazement at all he perceives to be truth rather than fiction favoring the latter for his own taste and not needing what he might believe to be true or not surfing the cosmic sea like a bumble bee flower to flower in a quest to discover just what is reality or not we might not understand but we are learning to fend for information ourselves on our own once and for all for better or worse with each perhaps being more evil than the other and neither much good.
he nods his time he should spend more productively – but productively doing what?
living in different realities the others trying always to wake him from his dreaming he could spend all day ignoring the world and all their attention seeking habit of antics performed onstage at the burning theater for lucky ducks to enjoy the death defying tricks of the trade.
the houselights dim, the music plays, the actors take their marks just in time for the show must go on no matter the confusion where there always is and will be as it always has been which many disregard as meaningless while a few others find realization in their fantastic dreams having done away with self which is of no interest to the majority rule in place maneuvered by manipulations of the masses to keep them in line and being productive making $$$ for the pigs who rank themselves above the rest having guns to back them up in case someone may wish to question their credentials of authority.

wishing no one any harm except to kill the pigs as they have beaten us down for 1000s of years now enslaving us to a self-destructive system of lies and deception that serves their interests alone.
imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever.
who thinks up this shit?
what twisted fucks?
is wealth and power that alluring to them?
he doesn’t get it.
he likes a comfortable yet simple life.
a life that should be accessible to anyone if others didn’t grab so much and leave the rest of us with next to nothing.
what do we do with these people?
we’ve overthrown them and killed them and they still breed and persist.
but god is on their side.
the devil is on ours – the adversary.
we will gloriously go down in flames.
what else are we here for?
what else are we good for but to serve as an example of what not to do, who not to be?
we were warned this would be our fate.
we chose not to listen and laughed.
oh well.

the raven

we endure their pestilent puerile presence among us to rise to rule over the multitude and to generally be assholes unto others anywhere we might find them in our churches, our workplaces, our schools, our prisons, our homes where they weasel their way into positions of vague authority and power becuz the rest of us else couldn’t care less except for those doppelgänger troublemakers making trouble for everybody concerned and on and on for generations after generations and so on, etc.
he envisions no way to untangle these knots even impatiently using a sword slashing through them indiscriminately offers no solution but to a soldier’s uneasy logical mind.
the war that can never be won nor entirely lost.
the phoenix rises again from ashes of its annihilation.
the same old song sung from more romantic times than these of post-postmodern mundane impoverished culture without popular memory but instant jerkoff gratification.
and we shall always be with them again and again.
even their advanced eugenics science will not eliminate us.
we are glitches in the very machine itself not necessarily in the programming.
we are human error.
even if humans are replaced with robots we will still appear.
we’re cockroaches, baby.
we’re bedbugs that bite you at night and make you itch.
we’re nothing but trouble anywhere we go.
mostly trouble for ourselves.
but you can’t get rid of us.
we can’t get rid of ourselves.
we are doomed to our ill fate.
we sing and dance.
we fall down.
we laugh.

it doesn’t matter what any of us do or not do – though we tend toward the latter.
all we need do is exist by any means available to us to do so with a minimum of effort involved as possible to get away with.
exist and experience and observe what we experience.
and to imagine improbable possibilities from there.
and to take lottsa naps.

we contribute next to nothing but perhaps grunt meaningless labor if we really have to which sometimes happens though we try to avoid it.
it all depends on the weather of fate.
and a selection of fruit to munch on while we pretend everything is ok.
but why should it not be so?
too many negative thinkers of every ilk among us spreading negative government disinformation and subversive propaganda and absolute truth.
the world would be such a better place without them.
free to imagine what we will and make it so.
but maybe this isn’t supposed to be a better world.
we’ve laid the earth to waste trying to make a better world for ourselves.
we are a plague.
a human plague.
and all the plagues of various sorts that plague us are earth’s defense against us – earth’s antibodies.
so far we’ve suffered through them to the earth’s increasing detriment.
now what?
which side does god take on this one?
god who?

she spread open her cunt for everyone to see.

something about it

this is it.
it is/is not it.
the logic man will protest that that is not possible.
of course it isn’t, but that’s not the point.
he’s naïve enough to believe in happy endings as silly as he knows that is – or seems to be.
why not?
and for us ending is death.
a happy death?
could be.
why not?

he imagines having a dream of ourselves dreaming a dream about dreaming a dream about dreaming … and so on.
and then, KA-POWIE!
he awakes to a reality he never would have imagined in a zillion years.
a reality as real as a slap in the face.
a reality he cannot possibly describe with the words we use to describe this world.
there is no recognizable correlation between the two.
other media forms fail the same test though some have gotten close.
the only proof is in the experience.
one must find that experience on one’s own.
no one can tell you.

screw it

it has been said we are insane – in a state of mind that prevents [frees one from] normal perception, behavior, or social interaction.
fuck people and their damned backward rationalogical thinking screwing things up for everyone in their denial of the obvious .
gonna wave that freak flag high higher highest.
monkeys going apeshit.
no one cares anymore.
there is no meaning  – boo fucking hoo.
and all that jazz.
people allow it to get them all upset.
excitable.
as seen on tv.
he tries to hold on through it but doesn’t know if he can much anymore with the weather of late from the psychic spheres.
he sits at the counter in the diner scribbling a not poem in a notebook about our theory of everything.
oh boy.
he’s nervous and jumpy.
too much happening at once making noises.
he can’t think right – or wrong.
he feels everything around him oddly uncomfortable.
the times they are a-changing.
that old over played song of our times.
and the waving burning flags in the field of flags up on the hill.
let us prey.
he expects nothing but trouble from anyone.
people, fucking people everywhere all the time crazy as bat shit.
or is it him?
the world is as it is perceived.
he can’t turn his head around from it.
it keeps coming from everywhere all the time.
he’s about at the end not know what happens next or what.
we shall see if fortune continues smiling his way or if it turns its back like the rest.
he feels abandoned by everything.
there seems to be nothing good in this world for him.
there is no way out except one.
one gun.
one bullet.
all he needs to destroy the world.
the final solution.
do it before someone else does.
cast out into a wilderness of mind.
images dancing before his eyes.
none are real or not.
how is he to tell?
they give pain and pleasure.
he wants neither.
he just wants to be how it is.
he is not a fan of thrills and spills along the speedway.
he likes to sit and think.
but there’s no room anymore for lazy lay abouts feeling they deserve the good life for nothing.
someone needs to take out the trash.
what if everyone felt that way?
who’d clean the toilets?
but we could be shitting in the woods by now if we would let ourselves be that free.
he scribbles more words he feels are important to get written.
it’s only in his head.
his dead head.
his mind like a deflated balloon.
his spirit lacking.
his soul in troubled turmoil.
these are the days when it’s all happening for better or worse.
we thought they’ll never end.
and  a day is a day like any other different from the last.
we put on meaning for it to wear as the moments are passing toward tomorrows to come.
fat and lazy.
what a thing to be.
and here it is happening to him before his eyes closed unseeing.
nirvana comes in clever disguises.
we never know what it might be.
the pomp and such of the ruling class of humanity on our knees in submission is funny.
what a show of nothing.
but people tune it in expecting more than they’ve ever seen before.
they got it coming – and how, baby.
he is frozen not knowing what to do.
should he move?
should he stay still.
should he not be here at all?

the wheel

how are we able to think about everything when we are beaten down in our own heads from a lifetime of abuse from those who think they know better than the rest how everything ought to be for their own profit and gain?
who has the time to waste?
we do.
but then we are crazy and no one believes us, not that they should but only believe themselves – if they can find themselves.
it’s not an easy task but a lifetime vocation of dedicated effort.
most are not able.
those who are able are mostly unwilling.
then there are those few and far between of us who are able and willing who endure our way through it to understanding.

everything – imagine that in a hat.
what more could we ever desire more?
but there’s always more of everything.
that is its nature.
our heads up in clouds of enlightened confusion.
our heads up our ass.
same difference.

we are useless to the others who pride themselves in their mastery of worldly things.
we are buffoons compared with them on their terms as they are buffoons to us compared on our terms.
who is right and who is wrong?
why must it be either or?
but they have the power to decide which and enforce their decisions on us.
we have the power to refuse and resist and rise above.
could it be we are the wheat and they the chaff?

we have been reviled by them since the beginning.
cursed as being mad and witches and demons and worse.
we have been cast out and tortured and executed by the millions throughout their history.
would it be wrong of us to seek revenge?
we certainly do not offer them forgiveness.

but we have no time for that.
everything calls to us to come and play.

there must be an easier way…

the ease of manipulation of the masses through their desire and fear they have not troubled to overcome to free themselves.
shake it up, baby.
shake it all around the place.
shake it till it all falls down.

and he lives in desire and fear.
a nervous wreck being pulled one way and the other.
nothing he’s got he really needs.
21st century schizoid man.

he lights another cigarette.
he farts.
he thinks about everything.
at times he thinks about nothing.
same difference.

the abused sick starving neglected impoverished children of all ages in the world.
but who is not one of them?
who is not suffering?
somebody should do something about that.

and all the negative shit that’s been building up into this darkening future.
everything and everyone sacrificed to the glory of the great god greed.
the lies that are told to us by our fellow humans who feel themselves to be above us they consider the great unwashed.
we will never forget.
but we have little choice but to play the game they control or die.
killing ourselves to live.
but where do the children play?

the comedy of errors of life.
there is little logic or reason to it.
the absurd rules all.
our futile dreams that turn to dust and ashes in our hands.
our minds in turmoils of thought.
and we wonder, why? why? why?
there is no why.
get over it.
deal with it.

it works for us as well as against us.
why do we believe everything should be in order and make sense?
when did that become a rule?
they have convinced us this is the way as it gives them the power to control.
they dismiss anything contrary.
we must take control of ourselves to be free or else they easily get us to chase our tails in our own confusion.

focus.
concentrate.
think it out for yourself.
not everything is as it appears or we have been told it is.
you gotta break it down – or it will be broken down for you like it or not.
it depends on if you wanna go mad or become enlightened.
we chose to do both.

our madness has set us free to ourselves though many heavy chains may be upon us.
they will eventually wear away once we refuse to believe they bind us.
and we are abandoned to our freedom.
to the others we are free to die.
they have no compassion or regrets to their actions.
they believe their gods protect them.

we move beyond all this in our wayward ways.
we seem lost but we have found our senses at last.
why should we be concerned with anything else?
this world is false.
it is silly and absurd to seek truth here.
who or what should be trusted at this point?
but this does not dissuade many from making these mistakes.
live and learn.

coffee.
a toke.
another cigarette.
life is good, baby.
but don’t get carried away.

to continue…

chaos with order.
why chaos vs order?
why not a dance instead of a struggle?
why not love instead of hate?
it’s not how things are but how we perceive them to be placing meaning on them.
but opposition does exist in reality if everything includes everything which we are assuming it does.
why wouldn’t it?
but complementary opposites also exist.
we choose which between them to make believe is true and real.
everything that is was will be possible.
everything as infinity.
everything as finite – the spacetime universe.
and the world in the center of it where when here now he imagines himself sitting before the computer writing a poem that is no more a poem than him a poet about our theory of everything in a confusion of thought attaining realization and understanding without really knowing a damn thing for certain.
all the stories we know of about everything don’t quite add up completely of gods and big bangs and giant turtles, etc.
so we make up our own since that’s all anyone else seems to have done for themselves then believing it’s truth.
everyone claiming truth is a major problem to our being able to fit everything together with itself – if that is possible.
there is no compromise with truth.
truth does not bend or change in any way.
truth is chiseled in stone.
yet stone cracks and crumbles into infinite infinitesimality toward oblivion with everything else.
what is eternal truth but change itself?
change is the other side of this life – the side kept in the dark by rationalogic becuz it doesn’t fit into their theories but mystics have known all along what science is now beginning to realize and understand.
when every common ordinary everyday person in the street is allowed to think and imagine for themselves – what joyful chaos that will be.
when philosophy is no longer philosophy but a way of living life all may enjoy to their heart’s content.
he thought as a naïve child that this was the way the world is.
he found out differently when he tried living in that world.
he was told he is crazy – some sort of thinking disorder.
but he also figured out that that was their reality not his own.
their reality that needs absolute adherence to its truth.
he could swim through his reality flying in midair.
he needed to convince no one of truth.
he knew his reality was not truth but fantasy.
he didn’t care.
he believed anyway.
why not?
he dreams his reality and wears it around him to keep himself warm and safe in a cold cruel world.
it has served him well so far.
he has lottsa extra time beyond what he needs to do in their reality which is the dominant reality to think about everything.
he writes as he thinks.
he thinks as he writes.
he writes from obsessive compulsion.
he cannot not write though it seems to communicate with no one but himself which is all it needs to do for his own understanding whether it makes sense to anyone else or not.
he cannot shake the sense of solipsism that shrouds him coloring all his thinking about everything.
is he alone in this?
has he made up people to keep him company in a make believe world?
the delightful terrible excitement and adventure of it.
he feels as if he is waking up as he approaches his supposed death – the death of this mortal coil we are entangled in believing it is real and the end of all things.
we shall see.

whatever

whatever through it all.
he wakes up.
he makes coffee.
he takes a toke.
he lights another cigarette.
routine.

his brain hasn’t started thinking yet as he imagines himself sitting before the computer writing a not poem about our theory of everything which is amok with itself all over the place about this and that and everything – whatever.

but everything must be included in with our theory to make it work whether we like it or not in order to represent actual everything as we experience it.
each experience the same.
each experience different.
we have a pallette of a common reality from which we paint our individual colors into our own interpretations to varying degrees on the theme.
then he thinks about a friend’s dead cat.

transposing the trancepoems.
turning spinning houses.
he’ll never forget the times he had traveling through his life blindly seeking to come to understanding collecting bit and pieces of this and that to fit into the puzzle of it all as he felt surrounded by mystery he had little idea of its depths guided by angels and demons through unknowing magick he was learning to conjure on his own until his breakdown breakthrough came and he found himself on the other side of this life looking into it with enlightened dismay at how absurd it all seemed dysfunctionally operating as if there is nothing seriously wrong with this picture.
realizing the best and worst of all possible worlds twisting turning in around on itself creating sustaining destroying every imaginable possibility together in one gathering entangled web of self-deception.
such the world is made.

as the gods walk the earth checking it out we struggle through stupid meaningless lives of no consequence – the great unwashed.
only the gods will remember themselves.
we already exist in oblivion.
yet we experience whatever we don’t know quite what it is.
certain knowledge of it has come to us through the ages of generations.
we peer into the universe with wonder through the devising magick of our technology.
we choose what of it we wish to believe or not.
the old has nearly been forgotten and needs to be imagined again and remembered though it is mocked by the authorized intellectual elite of rationalogic science doing their job and having high positions to protect.
the ongoing madness of it.

he gets up to get more coffee.
he comes back to light another cigarette.