he wakes.
morning is waiting.
coffee.
toke.
cigarette.
medications.
peanut butter sandwich.
sitting before the computer with a lot on his mind that is distraction.
worry and concern about what may or may not be.
no resolution.
spin the wheels one more time.
as we are ruled by desire and fear we can expect nothing.
as we rise above and overcome we can expect everything.
we are told we must put ourselves aside.
he likes himself as fucked up as he is.
he’s the only one he knows in the whole of creation.
without himself how does he know himself?
but we are told there are higher things to be attained without ourselves.
is this a joke?
is it a trick?
are we being lied to again?
god hidden behind layers of deception most of us are too stupid to fathom.
what can anyone expect from someone who is human?
the cards are stacked.
the house always wins.
he decides to sit it out till something begins to make some sorta sense to him.
it’s been a long wait.
it will be forever.
the last holdout.
the last one with enough doubt to hold on and not get suckered in.
it has cost him 1000+ lives and counting.
since the dawn of time.
he laughs at the absurdity of it.
this is all he can remember knowing.
lazy refusal.
stubborn resistance.
hell no, he won’t go.
he has to laugh.
he can hear the gods laughing as well.
monkey in the middle not knowing what to do.
stop – look – listen.
put on a show, little monkey.
we must remain amused or we will begin screaming.
distract us from remembering the void of our existence.
not even nothing.
an empty set.
0.
-
it is it.
it is i am.
it is i am that i am.
what can prove it wrong?
it is everything that is including that which it is not and so on.
infinitely finite.
reasonably insane.
a mad god laughing screaming alone in the void inside his head.
someone should do something about that.
what expression can describe it when it is all expression?
descriptions are metaphors of its reality our imagination perceives.
gaze upon it itself and behold.
look through the appearance of images.
discern maya.
realize karma.
remember dharma.
the middle path.
we are the exact center of an infinite universe.
somewhere between 0 and 1.
hahaha.
among an infinite number of exact centers.
but this is just something to think about everything along the way (tao).
it is of little consequence as is anything else we might think and imagine.
it wills itself into existence.
why not?
what other explanation is there?
unless it always has been is will be continuing no beginning no end.
no explanation is needed.
it doesn’t make any difference.
hang up the gone fishing sign.
close our eyes.
turn off our mind.
do as instructed.
he has never liked being told what to do much.
especially working for a promised reward.
but how else is it done?
but if he had a taste of it he could be urged on.
but does he wanna just be a mule pulling a cart following a dangled carrot while others ride?
he is just ego to be jettisoned at the first opportunity arising.
why should he give a fuck?
ready to let the world go disappear into oblivion.
never to return to this murky place but he probably will be forced to again against his will by those who claim to know better.
solipsistic sisyphus.
roll roll roll that rock around.
spin the wheels one more time.
let go of birth life death to attain the eternal godhead thing or whatever it might be.
he doubts that.
but it’s a possibility we include in with our theory of everything.
birth life death is the eternal godhead if we think about it.
how else does it experience itself?
but we think in mortal human terms.
but why else are we here but to be living expression of it?
there is no other purpose he is aware of beside grunt survival.
and those of us hoarding all we can gather to ourselves in our greed.
and la-dee-da on like that.
fat black cat sunning on the window sill.
another cigarette.
contemplating whatnot as it comes to mind.
feeling he’s being made a fool out of.
but he is a fool so what’s the difference?
a fool protected by the gods against himself.
but he is not foolish for the lord as are so many others along these paths he crisscrosses once in a while.
he acknowledges no lord no matter how powerful.
this usurped authority taken by force over ourselves and maintained by controlling stolen vital resources needed for survival unless we follow the rules.
fuck that.
free for everyone or free for no one.
this primal ape hierarchical social economic political religious scientific structure of domination by those who feel they are our betters becuz they grabbed it all first.
and this is how we perceive the universe organized accordingly.
we are told that we are the image of god yet we look into the mirror for its reflection in our own.
god must be the alpha ape, right?
hahaha.
and the rest of us are nothing but the masses to be controlled by any means necessary.
forget.
go it alone along on pathless paths through our own wilderness mindscapes of our invention and understanding.
this can be done.
we have done it.
free to fend for ourselves.
free to die 1000+ deaths if need be.
we endure.
we hold out to the end of time itself fading into obscurity and oblivion.
we who will never surrender ourselves to nothing.
everything is a scam scheme machine meant to benefit the few at the expense of the many.
we are the many.
unheard voices shouting becoming silenced in the noise of the mob.
but communications persist despite through other channels.
sideways.
around the bend.
from tree to tree.
relay.
synchronistic happenstance network.
psychic airwaves.
empathetic telepathy.
a nod and a wink.
and those dulled by their confusion in the aftermath of their lives thus far.
disbelieving everything.
doubting nothing.
watch out.
but is there a glimmer in their eyes?
that such a thing as everything existing as it appears is possible is kinda amazing though it all may be delusion.
what fine infinitesimal detail we would never suspect though have always known secret from our minds for the time being in this world that we might enjoy its amusements believing them real.
in our hearts it is it and only it is it.
but it is everything.
how to enjoy it without experiencing firsthand as is.
this mundane life without hope.
are we created to be destroyed?
who are we but empty shells of ego broken open and cast aside and left behind by ourselves transcending?
what kinda deal is that?
when did we give our permission to have this done to us?
by whose authority was it done to us?
meet us face to face, fuckers.
the common ground is a battlefield scarred by our obstinate misunderstanding.
this is the only world envisioned by the others of eat or be eaten competition paradigm.
any world otherwise is fantasy which we are ok with.
it works for us, baby.
and today is trash day.
gather it up and take it out.
don’t give it a second thought.
useless worthless used up junk.
we are them.
the high and mighty of the world and of the universe.
the cosmic lords ruling over us.
we are processed like sheep and finally slaughtered.
we just wanna be left alone.
but they tell us they protect us from the wolves at the door.
to die free or a slave is our choice of available given options except we can dream.
to die dreaming.
all the people going by.
busy lives.
too busy for the likes of us lazy good for nothing bums.
a waste of their time.
no $$$ to be made by our acquaintance.
hey, ya got a smoke?
any spare change?
the endless story of have and have-not.
as old as dirt.
all through the spectrum of the survival of the fittest.
the lawn guy shows up to mow down the potential forest in our yard.
goodbye nature.
everything in our world must be unchanging perfection.
what a concept that has driven us to hell while heaven surrounds us if we just let it be.
oh well.
everything is hunky dory.
and how!
gazorbnik 